I have been awake all night now and it is 4 in the morning where I am at and I can’t sleep thanks to my not so much of a friend insomnia. I have chronic insomnia due to mostly my depression why I am feeling blue, sad or down I have no idea since I really don’t feel that way. I know I am because of the way my body is reacting. I am craving ice cream and chocolate, which I only crave when I get depress. I have learn to not eat it any other time so that when I am feeling low and craving it I know that I am not well. Some of it may because the weather outside it is storming and I dislike storms. I maybe feeling subconsciously that relationships aren’t right or that I have to much stress and that could be the cause. For whatever reason I have spiral downwards doesn’t matter for I have learned that I cannot change the past I can only change the future and what steps I take to move on. A lot of people who have never been through depression themselves would not understand how someone can just not have the energy to do something that is simple as getting dress or getting out of bed. Depression is serious and love ones should learn to understand and not just say “oh get over it and move on.”  It isn’t always that simple depression lingers for days sometimes longer and you have to fight with you mind to get up and say ok today I am going to do something productive no matter what. Sometimes you have to take baby steps to get well. Today I stayed in my pajamas all day did I care no, not really but did I do anything yes, I clean my living room so it gave me some energy to motivate me to get up. Now I don’t want to sleep so I am just writing to make me somewhat sleepy so that I will be able to get some sleep. So hopefully this isn’t just a bunch of rambling words making no sense at all.